The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

“The Main Gods—whoops, I meant the System wouldn’t give me a quest where I’d die for certain!”

I really wanted to say this, but to be honest, I still didn’t know how to earn two thousand-something Fate Points within 24 hours. This was more than half a year’s worth of daily quests.

But where there’s a will, there’s a way… I really wanted to say that as well, but the so-called way never ended up arriving.

[Time’s up. I’m now going to confiscate your ‘newborn baby.’ Whenever you have enough points, come find me. Interest will be set at 40% with compound interest; if you take too long… heh heh, you understand.]

“The hell’s with saying I understand! How much do you want to overuse this joke!?”

But, even so, there was no helping the situation. What else was I supposed to do other than earn enough Fate Points?

Alright then, my current target was to now hurry up, complete my quests, and pay off the Fate Points I owed as quickly as possible. However, my current condition obviously wasn’t the best for challenging strong opponents.

And so, there was no helping it. After having set out for less than a week’s time, I began my return journey.

I decided to hurry back to Karo City first. At the very least, I needed to think of how to pay off my debt and receive my “newborn baby” back again.

[Daily quests, pick one of two. The first quest is to ‘Tell the World that I am the Naked King.’ The second quest is ‘This Uncle Isn’t a Pervert: Little Girl, Why Don’t You Watch This Goldfish Together With Your Uncle…’]

As I walked through Karo’s streets and looked at my daily quests, it seemed to be a choice between making either myself or others suffer. Yet looking at the 50-point reward which probably wouldn’t even be enough to pay off the interest, I gave up immediately.

“Messing up the original planned course and fate will be profitable? I should just find an Epic-ranked Quest somewhere and complete it.”

I crouched on the street and observed the busy people around me as I thought to myself.

“Roland! It was actually you! When the scouts said that you returned, I couldn’t believe it.”

The person who suddenly interrupted my contemplation of important life questions was a white-bearded fellow with an excited face. I tilted my head at seeing this wrinkly old face who was so excited that his face had gone red all over.

“Oh oh oh! You’re… are you that meat pie selling old man from Rubber Street? You’re here looking for the two copper coins I owe you.”

*Pu!*

Judging by how he fell on the street, in addition to the looks of the relatively young mages following him, it seemed that my guess was off the mark.

“The hotel owner? The shoe polisher right in front of where I lived? The barber next door? You’re none of the above? You must be kidding! Just who exactly are you?”

I was starting to get rather frustrated. My time was quite valuable, and this white-bearded fellow actually dared to play guessing games with me!

“You don’t recognize me, and you’re getting angry with me? I’m Kaid, a junior student from the same time as you! Take a closer look!”

At hearing this, I paused in surprise. I could indeed recall such a junior student, but he obviously had a different appearance.

“That’s not right. Kaid doesn’t have such a large beard, and he was a handsome young fellow back in the day who was quite white. Nor was he as short as you.”

The white-bearded fellow kept nodding. “Yep, I’m that white Kaid from back then, who used to be famous for being handsome, who all the teachers were attracted to. But now that I’m old now, how could I possibly look like back then? My back’s a little hunched now, which is why I’m shorter.”

“You’re really Kaid? That Kaid who specialized in divination and prophecy? The Kaid who would fail his elemental magic classes until Armageddon? The Kaid who wouldn’t wash his underwear for two weeks at a time? The Kaid who used fire magic to make fireworks for confessing to a girl and ended up being treated as the ‘younger-brother type?’”

Alright, the more I spoke, the redder Kaid’s old face got, but he didn’t deny anything I said. “Yep, didn’t you also fail classes together with me? That silly public confession idea even came from you, and as for not washing my underwear for two weeks, isn’t that your fault for exploding the laundry room?!”

I nodded at this. It seemed that it actually did match up with my memories, but I still wanted to confirm something.

“You really are Kaid, the Kaid who chose to specialize in divination just so you could secretly spy on female teachers changing clothes and taking showers.”

This time, the two students behind him looked at their teacher with strange looks in their eyes. To them, the Myth-ranked mage Kaid was a venerated, kindly elder who was easy to get along with. They never expected Kaid to have such a wild history.

“…That was Phillips! You definitely remembered wrong! I’m not interested in older women, I only like the younger ones…”

“Ohhh.”

It was too late to stop now. The commotion from his students made the old teacher want to find a hole somewhere to hide in.

I had now confirmed things. However…

“You really are Kaid, that’s great…”

Archmage Kaid was smiling with tears in his eyes. Being able to see an old friend again after so many years was indeed rather moving.

“Return my money! Those three and a half gold coins that you owe me, when do you intend to pay me back!? Forty percent compound interest, plus two hundred years’ time, I’ll just calculate it as two hundred thousand gold coins.”

Everyone’s expressions froze over instantly upon hearing this.

“Demons from the nine depths, please listen to my prayers…”

Fine, this guy actually started cursing me, and it seemed like a mega-level magic spell that borrowed powers from the demons. I knew that my joke had gone a little overboard, so I jokingly explained myself.

“Getting angry so quickly, you really are Kaid. Come, we should find a place to drink a little as fellow bros.”

There were four great joys in life—meeting with rain after a long drought, the first night after being newly wed, becoming famous for your accomplishments, and meeting an old friend in a distant land.

There were also four great sorrows in life—only having one drop of rain, the groom being someone else, writing the wrong name on the test, and meeting a debtor in a distant land.

But, right now, Kaid, who seemingly owed me money, was quite happy. After drinking some alcohol, he even joyfully went looking for some young girls and asked, “How about letting this grandfather show you some western tricks? Look, lollipops! Look, goldfish…” and then he was dragged away by his disciples.

Today, Kaid’s impression of being strict and archaic was probably utterly ruined. Perhaps, starting from tomorrow, stories of the old Kaid’s new “fierceness” would be told all over the city.

“Oh my, even though this is just some free alcohol, it’s still pretty good. This should be the Auland’s Hualan District’s special three-hundred-year-old brandy. Its price should be at least five thousand gold coins; you’re really willing to go all out. Hmph, don’t think that you can buy me with money. You still need to return my money to me.”

[System Reminder: You bastard, can’t you just stop bringing up those three and a half gold coins of yours? Also, you remembered it wrong—there weren’t even any gold coins back in that time, it was obviously just three and a half copper coins. You should learn from Kaid here. See, he’s forgotten entirely about it, and he’s even agreed to pay for your room and board.]

“Copper coins? Forget it; there’s no difference. You should also forget about the Fate Points I owe you, then. I’ll never mention these coins again.”

Alright then, the system didn’t answer me, but my guess was that that bastard of a system was probably preparing some sort of “glorious” achievement like “Scrooge” for me.

And right now, Kaid returned in joyous spirits. Yep, we should just ignore the tiny handprint on his cheek. It seemed that little girls wouldn’t care if he was some venerated archmage and would still slap him.

“Roland, why are you drinking by yourself? It’s such a rare celebration party, you should be happier. This is also where I want to introduce you to the others as an old senpai; you should at least give me some face here.”

“Don’t mention it. Just look at how they’re all pointing; no need to mention face, they probably all think that I’m just an old demon.”

“You don’t say, it truly is strange. Although after reaching a certain level, the physical body will indeed become nearly indestructible, and the rate of aging will drastically slow, but for you, not only your physical body but even your soul feels like it’s filled with energy, as if you’re a newly-born baby. And, your current magic power doesn’t feel strong.”

I smiled without answering. Some things were too difficult to explain even if I wanted to.

Kaid shook his head, knowing I didn’t want to say anything, and he didn’t pry any further as he began chatting about the past.

“Do you still remember Ailulu? She actually got married to Caso, our fellow student…”

I had forgotten many things already, but luckily, divine power helped me recover quite a few memories of the last God’s Descent. Plus, I had the records from my experimental log, so I could mostly match those to my memories.

Of course, some confusion was still unavoidable; for example, misremembering a beautiful lady as a handsome boy, misremembering me owing money as me being owed money, or misremembering copper coins as gold coins…

[System: Can you stop bringing up those three and a half gold coins already?]

Cough, getting back to the main topic, after getting old like me, mentioning past events would always be nostalgic and long-winded. This chat took up half the entire night. Except for a few of us, all the others had left already.

After chatting about so many things, even I felt rather nostalgic upon hearing about my past classmates and friends’ news.

Time was cruel and would never stop ticking. With two hundred plus years having passed, the number of classmates I had that were still alive weren’t many. After all, Gold was an obstacle, Legend was another obstacle, and Saint was yet another obstacle. In order to reach the limit of human life, one must reach at least the Saint rank, and the probability of that was absolutely minuscule.

“Oh right, do you still remember Teacher Amelia?” Kaid smiled mysteriously, as if he had finally found my weak spot. “Back when you were together with her, many archmages were sad to the point of despairing, and there were quite a few that used your image as a voodoo doll. She’s still looking for you, and won’t believe at all that you’re dead, and she’s always been single. It seems that she’s deeply in love with you, so how do you intend to pay her back?”

I didn’t react much to this, but Atadia and Soranto beside us were obviously shocked and exclaimed out loud. They had kept worrying that their teacher Kaid would continue to embarrass himself, but never expected to hear about a topic like this.

“Impossible, the gentle and kind Teacher Amelia was the dream woman for a countless number of students, how could she possibly…”

“What! I’m the Angelic Amelia Supporters Club member #1047, this definitely can’t be real! Teacher, you’re going to face the wrath of all us innumerable Amelia fans!”

*Slap!*

Kaid awkwardly smiled at me after he slapped both his students on the back of their heads to shut them up.

“You’re actually tempted by physical appearance, how immature.”

After those taboo things occurred, Amelia indeed had an infamous reputation, but with the passage of two hundred plus years, as long as those old fellows kept quiet about things, not many knew about Amelia’s past. In the students’ eyes, they probably only saw that astonishingly charismatic Teacher Amelia who seemed so gentle and easy to get close to.

“…Who was it clutching my thigh and crying that year long ago, and then running off while still crying and shouting ‘I’ll leave Amelia to you, you have to treat her well, or I’ll never forgive you in my life?’”

This time, it was Kaid’s turn to break out into a cold sweat. The next moment, he adjusted his beard and changed to a serious expression.

“That was Alibert—it was definitely that fellow! He was one of the biggest Amelia fans around back in the day.”

Okay then, seeing that Kaid was treating me to three-hundred-year old brandy, I decided to somewhat save his face.

“So, Teacher Kaid had this side to him as well back in the day.”

“Why are you saying that we’re being tempted by physical appearances? Could it be that Teacher Amelia also has another side to her, a wild, seductive side? Ahhh, I really want to see that side.”

One was exclaiming while the other one was panting. It was obvious that none of these guys could be considered normal.

Kaid and I could only exchange glances and smile wryly at the younger generation’s fascination with Amelia. It was similar to how we were fooled that year as well.

“Wild? More like insane.”

“Believe me, if you ever saw her other side, you’d likely be on her experiment table, and then… there wouldn’t be anything else left for you.”

After some hesitation, I still decided to tell them.

“Actually, Amelia found me, and we came to the Earth Elemental Plane together this time. Teacher Harloys is also together with us.”

After I said this, Kaid was still fine, but the two Amelia fans’ eyes turned red and seemed like they were about to jump me.

However, Kaid revealed an expression of deep contemplation. He knew that the Earth Elemental Plane was no place to be going on a honeymoon, and all three of us were considered world-class calamities, so we definitely had some kind of reason for coming here. Then, he connected the dots to the recent strange occurrences, and now revealed an expression of sudden realization.

“…Could it be that the increase of the Earth Elemental Tide and the inability to teleport between dimensions were caused by you guys?”

“Teleportation between dimensions isn’t working anymore? No, we didn’t cause that, but it’s highly likely to be related to our goal. You know about Emordilorcan, right? As the Earth Elemental Lord, he’s probably the only one who can seal off this entire plane. The Elemental Tide’s increase is definitely related to him.”

“Emordilorcan? Last I heard, didn’t he go to the Northlands to join up with the beastmen?”

“…Your news is behind by at least half a year. He’s returned, and he’s seriously injured. This time, we came here for something big. Would you like to join us?”

[Congratulations to host for activating a Legend-ranked Quest, and a reminder from the System: Hmph, it’s definitely not because I’m taking pity on you that I’m giving you a quest that can help you pay off your debt.]

“Stop sinisterly pretending to be cute, you’re as un-cute as could be!”