The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Chapter 32: Lisa

Watch Room? Yes, Lich Roland is still under custody in the Watch Room for causing that huge chaos and he only sneaked out just now.

The planning of a group nude run may not have broken any of the laws and really couldn’t be considered a crime, but locking them up for 3 to 5 days for them to reflect over their actions is a must.

I had summoned a skeleton to put my usual accessories, clothes and cast some magic on him to fake a Lich that is sleeping while I ran out myself. If it was other days, I had to rush back to not get noticed.

After all, Dark Elves are sensitive to magic and it wouldn’t be hard for them to notice the difference while patrolling. But now, they didn’t have the time to bother with that obedient Lich at that corner.

The reason? That is because they are busy, extremely busy… To tell the story, I must start from where my sin begun, the month ban on engineering.

From the perspective of purifying Sulfur Mountain City’s culture, the effects of the ban could be said to be perfect. After those damned living time bombs, Dwarves and goblins, were sent into the Watch Room, the crime rate of the entire Sulfur Mountain City and the cases reported went down by 3% instantly. There isn’t even a single explosion last night.

But, when the Town Security Knights delightedly slept a peaceful night, they realized that it was, in fact, the start of a nightmare.

What is worse than a trouble that cannot be settled is when multiple troubles come together. When the many engineers in the Watch Room started to unite, when the flag for the first Sulfur Mountain City Engineering Conference was hailed, even the worldly-experienced me and my companions were shocked.

The goblin Engineers discussed their experiences of exploding bombs and being exploded on while the goblins talked about all kinds of different unique ways to thinking and methods. Alright, they were mainly different kinds of suicide methods. What’s more is that despite being body checked to be clean, in the intense boredom, the Dwarves and the goblins were even discussing vehemently about the product of the combination of the two types of engineering study…

Initially, I was still merrily inciting the flames at one side… “We could create a Goblin Shredder that is as big as a mountain. With just a chainsaw, it would be able to cut down the Ancient War Trees of High Elves. Impossible? Will be extremely heavy? Child, why are you so lacking in imagination? You forgot that there is not only a master here. If we were to use the Dwarf’s electrical conduit and pressure regulator, not only will it not be too heavy, it always won’t explode too fast.”

“We can create a gigantic fire-spitting dragon machine, then color its head red. Like this, it would be 3 times faster.”

“We could create a head that would continuously rotate, a screw saucer. We could use it to drill all the way to the surface. This way, we won’t have to pay the fee for passing through the underground city guarding the route to the surface.”

But very quickly, I realized that the situation is getting out of hand. Their motivation was too strong. Once I mentioned the idea of combining techniques and new aspects that could be researched, as they were euphoric over the discussion, they actually started to work on it.

“No fire source? My shoe is a flint, capable to creating sparks by knocking with the surface.”

“No spare parts? Hehe, my little brother Yingou is a part-time Fire Mage, what does melting a few metal poles count to him.”

“No gunpowder? Hehe, I am a Double Master in both goblin Alchemy and goblin Engineering. Come, pick up that soap for me… No, I’m not a gay, I only want to use that soap and the animal fats in your lunch as ingredients. Look at my how I hand make glyceryl trinitrate!! This is the ultimate skill that I learnt from Sealman in the South Roz. After getting hold of this secret recipe, my mum never has to worry about my machine lacking fuel anymore.”

TL: Glyceryl trinitrate, also known as nitroglycerin, explodes from tremors.

“No fuse, catalyst and winder? Wait, let me strip… Hey. I really am not gay. Look, these clothes have been soaked in liquid hexogen, it could explode if I were to casually tear a cloth out. (The goblin beside him looks at him in respect, the meaning being ‘You are really a role model for the goblin’s research spirit. You actually dare to wear this kind of thing on your body’). By putting together these buttons, it forms the most basic equipment tool set. There is even wrench, chisel and vise. You want it? I’m not selling it. This is the birthday present that the smart Lich gave me. It is the symbol of our friendship!! …If you really want it that much, it is not like I can’t part with it. It costs at least 30000 gold coin!”

Touching his hairless chin proudly, the weather-beaten Jinya.Beyar smiles at me and gives me a thumbs-up.

Looking at the Beyar brothers who, using their superior skills, vaguely became the leader of the crowd, watching how they passionately pluck out the metal poles and melted it to make spare parts, using soap and animal fats to create explosive, I feel so regretful that my intestines are turning blue. Un, that is if I still have intestine.

“…I swear that when I get out, I must find a reason to throw back all back in again. The crime? If I’m not wrong, if they were to continue on this path, there will be one awhile later.”

Fine, in order not to see the Watch Room which was built with taxes by the citizens get blasted to the sky, and more importantly, to not get blasted into the sky, I decisively called for support.

“Elisa, go and report to the Town Security Headquarters. Say that the bunch of goblins in the Watch Room are creating a gigantic bomb that can destroy the entire city!”

Alright, what is left is easy. Once the Town Security arrive, they will suppress this bunch of lawless engineers with the guards of the Watch Room…

But this was only the beginning… Once the fire of the pursuit of knowledge has been ignited, then it can never be extinguished — goblin Master Engineer Jinya.Beyar.

They only changed from a surface collaboration into an underground collusion. All kinds of engineering blueprints fly around like underground intelligence, with just one mutual look in the eye, they are able to transfer information…

Furthermore, the idea of Sulfur Mountain City Master Engineer Collaboration Project had been somehow spread to the outside. Afterwards, many engineer masters from the outside began to stir up trouble to look for a chance to join this ‘Grand Meeting’, and they were even willing to offer their precious spare parts as an entrance fee.

The final result is that when the guards turn around, clink clank clink clank, they start to get to work but the moment the guard’s eyes are on them, they start to whistle and act innocent.

Helpless, the Town Security could only gather all their force to stare at all of them to stop their actions. Naturally, the other criminals would then have it easy and I also took this opportunity to sneak out to see Annie.

Cough, end of the recollection. Right now, the Watch Room is like the entrance to a volcano, ready to cause a ruckus at any time. Un, the word ruckus, perhaps, it would be more appropriate to swap it with explode.

A gentleman won’t station itself under an unsteady wall. Besides, I never thought that I am a gentleman who abide by morals and ethics, and even more so, wouldn’t take the initiative to enjoy an explosion.

“Then, before they get out of control and things start exploding, I better go somewhere else to spend my time. Un, let’s go visit Little Red.”

But unexpectedly, through communications, I got the news from her underlings that she wasn’t at home.

“Hehe, she suffered the greatest indignant loss in her entire life this time, she must be fuming. Right now, if she isn’t looking for someone to fight with, she could only be there!”

As expected, when I arrived at the Central District’s biggest Bar Fiery Red Rose, just as I was walking into the room we often frequent, I could hear a familiar voice coming from within.

“Roland, accompany me for a drink!”

“Why, changing into human form and drinking so gloomily by yourself? Alcohol isn’t good for wounds.”

Yes, not any different from an unmanageable teenage girl, Little Red’s, who was also in her rebellious phase, favorite hobby is drinking and fighting. Now that there aren’t any suitable opponents for her fight, she could only look for a place to drink.

“Hmph, that is a ban which only you fragile humans need. For me, drinking a little alcohol can help me numb the pain and sleep more comfortably.”

Pulling apart the curtains, a black-haired ravishing lady was hugging a wooden barrel and drinking directly from it. Furthermore, it was one with extremely high alcohol content made for the Dwarves.

Her long black hair was as smooth as silk and her crescent eyebrows gave her additional femininity. She has a tall figure and her tight leather shirt showcased the entirety of her perfect figure. Her slender arms are white like snow and her features had a refreshing taste to it. Her green nails had a hint of blood color to it. Just looking from outer appearance, she feels like a lady from a family of scholars.

There is an eye-patch on her left eye and there were quite a lot of bandages on her body. Her entire body was filled with the smell of medicated wine, making her seem delicate.

But, the moment she opens her eyes, no one would treat her like a weak lady. The wildness in those eyes of the beast. No, it should the gaze of the hunter on the top of the food chain evaluating its prey, making the weak feel like their life lies on a thread as they tremble in fear.

Why, are you disappointed? Did you think that all female Red Dragon would turn into a loli dressed in red? Too naive, you think a gigantic dragon would like to turn into a little girl? A stereotypical view from those who watch too much Knight novels.

Why? In the wilderness, a little girl with strong physical abilities suddenly appears. Despite the ground being full of dirt, her clothes are totally spotless? Even a fool would know that something is amiss.

TL: Knight novels sort of refers to story of a knight saving a princess etc., all these kind of nice delusions, fairy tales.

Cough, back then, this female dragon really read too many Knight novels and she intended to sneak into our adventuring team just like that to start on an epic adventure. Unfortunately, we seen through her right from the start.

Just that, we were happy to have another strong fighter and a lucky charm, so why would we expose it? Instead, we tried our best to pretend to be ignorant of it as we raised both of our hands to warmly welcome this ‘Legend-rank Female Berserker and Fire Mage Rookie’.

In the end, she showed her true form due to an accident but facing the rest of us who were calm and obviously looked like we knew the truth long ago, she pressured us into telling her what went wrong with her disguise. However, that answer became the shame of her life and her greatest dark history.

“Strength requires time to build up. A Legend-rank that looks around 10 years old, after excluding several possibilities, the disguise of some other strong race becomes the most probable answer, and the one who can most possibly do this kind of thing should be the Dragon race.” This is how the cold-faced Margaret explained. Back then, she was still a normal human Mage who was sharp with her tongue but soft in her heart, she was still rather worried about Little Red’s pride.

“I guess it is your Equipment and Weapons. Looking at your Spider Queen Mage Hunter’s Spider Thread Skirt, if you were to put it in the market, you should be able to earn enough to buy a small city.” Considering the tender personality and gentlemanly attitude a Holy Knight should portray, I thought that I should consider her pride at a time like this. So, I squeezed my brain juice and tried my best to find a subtle flaw in her disguise and mentions it smiling.

“Dumbass Little Red, the first time we met, you tackled an entire week of our ration at one go, causing us to have to go hunt to top up on our ration. Do you think a human can eat that much? Hmph, you caused to go on a diet for an entire night.” Fine, the Thief Lisa.Grant was still harboring a grudge over her hunger that night.

“Hahaha, all of you fools, you only realized it this late. I knew it at first glance. Wasn’t Little Red reading a book then, the popular Knight novel «My Dragon Princess from the Stars», isn’t it a story about how a dragon turned into a young girl to roam the human world, and even started a romance with a human? To think you all failed to see through such an obvious flaw. Haha, to think you all always call me a fool, I think that you all are the fools instead… AHHHHH!!”

This is… Un, indeed, it is that dumb Adam. After that, we spent a long time before finding back the dumb Hero who was sent several miles flying from a punch from the embarrassed and angry Little Red.

Un, at this point in time, the cute loli Dragon Princess disappeared and replacing her is a mature-version Big Sister Dragon. But, this actually suits her personality quite a bit. Thus, even though the Dragon Tribe could change the age and race they change into (The Transmogrification Spell allows them to choose from Elf and Human, but their outer appearance will not change), she always chose this look.

As for the red dress, that was real. Normally, when a Dragon transmogrifies, they like to choose clothes that are close to their skin color. Little Red likes red color but the problem is…

Adam that fellow is also dressed in red. Furthermore, that fellow always go around causing trouble and being an idiot. If she were to be dressed in the same clothes as him, won’t she be treated as his comrade? There isn’t a person who wants to be placed in the same category as an idiot… Back then, Little Red said it like that, it definitely isn’t me trying to slander him.

“What are you thinking about, come and help me cook the meat. I remember that you were the best at cooking meat back then in our team, let me see if your skills have deteriorated since then.”

“You still remember huh.”

Yes, the one who knows that I am the leader of the team, Holy Knight Rolo, on the surface, is only Little Red, Ancient Red Dragon Einz Mezus.

The method and angle how the dragons of the Golden Race look at others is different from mortals. In the face of the Dragon Eyes which sees into one’s soul, there wasn’t a chance I could keep it from her in the start.

Just that, our relationship, rather than companions, it would be more suited to say that it is accomplices… Sometimes, it is better to act ignorant for somethings than to expose it and cause awkwardness in the relationship.

Right now, while grilling my meat, I scatter my secretly-made spices (The main ingredients are cumin and chili powder. At the same time, there are materials required for casting a smoke-related magic), but before I can even brush oil on the meat, she snatches it over, eats it in a mouthful and swallows it the next moment. She seems to be having great fun eating it.

“This time, I made you suffer indignantly. I will help you to get back at them.”

Little Red indeed suffered a lot this time. If it wasn’t for some reasons, don’t even mention losing, she wouldn’t even be injured.

She is just reluctant to accept her loss? What is the troublesome part about the Dragon Tribe? Strong physical abilities, outstanding talent in magic? That isn’t it. What makes them hard to deal with is their wings! They can fly!

The Dragon Tribe are the favored ones of the sky. Their flying techniques are outstanding and infant dragons can use magic to help them levitate. Grown dragons can fly as they please and for an Ancient Dragon like Little Red, flying is as natural as breathing to her. In fact, she can even break the laws of physics and truly fly as she please in the sky without using her wings.

The usual strategy that dragons use to deal with enemies is suddenly swiping down from the clouds and even before the enemy can react, they would spit their dragon breath and use magic to destroy their opponents. Then, before the enemy starts retaliate, they start flying upwards and leaves the field.

This fighting strategy may sound shameless but it is highly difficult to deal with. If you wish to slay a dragon, please first think of a method to make the dragon land on the ground. Thus, even Supreme Empires wouldn’t casually offend the Dragon Tribe. After all, no one would wish for a fire to break out in their capital once every 2 days yet being unable to track down the culprit.

The high mobility of the Dragon Tribe is what that makes them extremely difficult to deal with. 90% of those successful dragon hunts is because the dragon was blocked in their own lair or that they had fell into some kind of trap. For a dragon in the open, even if they are unable to defeat you, they can definitely escape and when they come back to hunt you for revenge, it would be difficult to cope with it.

This time, the reason why Little Red is injured so badly is because Adam and Margaret is behind her, causing her to be unable to move. So, she can only stand there and get beaten up like a sandbag.

To be treated by others like a fixed punching bag, this kind of insult would naturally make the proud Little Red feel indignant and displeasure.

When she heard that I would help her get back at them, Little Red stunned for a moment, before picking the wooden barrel by the side and gulps down the alcohol.

“Cough cough!!”

But as she drank in a hurry, this stupid dragon accidentally choked. I quickly helped her to pat her back.

“…No thanks, I will get back at them myself. I will find Molly personally, so don’t interfere.”

I shake my head. Knowing her reluctance to admit defeat, I have expected her to give such an answer. However, Little Red’s individual abilities are slightly above that of Dragon Empress Molly. Otherwise, that old granny would have long appeared to clean her household. After all, Little Red is one of the few existences that could threaten her position as the Dragon Empress.

“Let’s go and get back at them together. I have sustained quite a bit of loss this time as well.”

Just as I expected, when I started to talk about the trip and a plan to cause trouble, Little Red, who only fears a lack of chaos in the world and was looking for an outlet to vent her stress, agrees happily.

Just that, after I finished speaking, she looks at me playfully.

“Is Lisa still doing fine?”

“…What are you talking about? Oh, Elisa? Her tongue is still a venomous as always. It is a pity she chose to learn from Margaret. She is becoming more and more difficult to deal with nowadays. Just 2 days ago, she caused me to be arrested into the Watch Room. Back then, it was really a mistake to pick her up.”

“Stop playing the fool, you know that my Dragon Eyes peek into the soul. Elisa is Lisa, right? The final member in our team, the Thief then whose goal was to become a billionaire, Lisa.Grant whom the fool Adam had a crush on for half his life. Hehe, Elisa is just Lisa with a letter E in front which emphasizes the word behind, such a simple word game, I reckon only that fool Adam can’t see through it.

“…When did you see through it?”

“From the moment you brought that half-demon girl back, which is right from the start. Hmph, you aren’t any better than me, your disguises still have a lot of flaws to them. However, you sure are impressive. I clearly remember that Lisa is dead and even her soul has returned back to the source… Wait, half-demon, you didn’t go to the River of the Dead to find her back, did you?”

“Yes, the human Lisa is already dead. The Elisa now is a brand-new life and soul. You can say that Elisa is Lisa, but isn’t Lisa at the same time.

Looking at the interested Little Red, my face bitters. Looks like it’s come to a time to come clean with things that had happened then.

Difficult chapter to translate, too many technical words to convert and facial/physical description which I am really bad at.